didntrun | (no subject)

Reintegrating into regular, everyday life is going to be basically impossible. By this point, Eddie has accepted it, he knows things will be different, and he thinks he's doing pretty well with that knowledge. He's mourned a bit, he's been angry -- not with Lestat, not ever, but with Darrow for having put him and Lestat in that position in the first place -- and he's been sad.

There's no more wandering around Darrow during the day. No more sun, like Lestat had warned him. He has to hold himself apart from his friends, from Chrissy, at least to a certain extent. Any time he wants to be around them, he has to make sure he's eaten first, so he's not in any danger of losing control. The days are spent in a light proof box -- more or less a coffin -- and he's had to pretend he's developed some sort of sun related illness so his boss will only give him night shifts at the record store.

He misses the customers, he misses the feeling of the store itself, and while he gets a bit of it between sundown and close, most of his shift is spent after hours, stocking and placing orders, doing all the administrative stuff that doesn't get done during the day. It's fine, but it's not the job Eddie wanted.

DnD has fallen off, too, because he can't force everyone to meet after dark every single time, but their Dungeon Master is now a vampire and it's sort of his only option.

At this point, he's seen everyone except Alex. If he thinks about it, he's afraid to see her, afraid she'll blame herself for what happened. It isn't her fault they got separated and it isn't her fault he was attacked, but he carries this fear she won't be able to let it go.

And maybe it's stupid that he hasn't gone to see her earlier for that very reason. He should be there to tell her none of this is her fault and Eddie groans as this thought occurs to him, halfway between his apartment and hers, pacing on the street after dark. He's such an idiot and he grabs his phone, texts her a question.

u at work or home?

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“No sunlight,” he says, nodding. “Honestly, weird as it all is, that’s the worst of it. I had to switch my whole job, I don’t get to go out anywhere with Chrissy or with my friends. The blood thing is… I don’t know, it’s not that bad. There are a lot of people willing to, uh… donate, I guess? So I don’t need to hurt anyone.”

He makes a face. “But not seeing the sun anymore? Yeah, that one sucks.”

Not hurting anyone is good, Alex figures. She'd spent too much time with too many men who hurt people casually, and it would have made her sick to think of Eddie as one of them. She's glad he's figuring that bit out, at least. "Kind of fits your aesthetic, though," she teases, plucking at the t-shirt he's wearing. "We'll have to figure out times you can see Edie. Around her bedtime."

“Yeah, I guess if I had to turn into a monster, a vampire was the right one,” he agrees and his heart gives a lurch when she says he can still see Edie.

“I’d get it,” he tells Alex. “If you want to wait, if you need some time to make sure I’m really still me before I see her. She’s… the fucking best, she’s everything. I get wanting and needing to protect that.”

"I don't think werewolf would have suited you," she says, and she nudges him with her elbow. It's not much, but it feels like something, anyway. "I know you love her, Eddie," she says. "And I think...you'd rather die than let anything happen to her. I believe that. She loves you. She's lost enough. I want you to be able to be around her."

Eddie has to blink back tears, because he doesn’t want to do that, not yet, not when he’s just told her. Blood trickling from the corners of his eyes probably wouldn’t be the best thing in this moment and he looks down and nods.

“I do love her,” he says. “And you. I’d rather die than let anything happen to either of you.” He’ll walk into the sun before he lets them be hurt. If it’s in his power to prevent it in any way, he will.

"I love you," says Alex, because she does. She's lost so much -- Kavinsky, Hopper, Steve -- Danny, who makes the rest of it feel like nothing. She's not about to lose Eddie when he's right in front of her. "I'm...kind of weird too, aren't I?" She scrubs her hands over her face. "God, I hope Edie grows up aggressively fucking normal."

“The only way that’s gonna happen is if she has a rebellious stage,” Eddie says with a smile. “Your kid is way too fucking cool to just turn it normal.”

For Eddie, being a freak has always been a badge of honour. He’s always felt like a freak, acted like a freak, and having people notice it meant they saw him at all. It was also a shield, something to hide behind, so he gets what Alex is saying, too.

"I just don't want her to turn out like me," says Alex, because that's something she worries about, all of the time. She watches Edie for signs that she's seeing greys. She hasn't seen anything yet, but she's so little -- so much is make-believe when you're that small. Alex doesn't remember the first time she saw one. They were just always there.

"She is fucking cool, though. I just...want her to turn out more like her Dad than me."